Are you unhappy? It’s all your own ego

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EGO and unhappy
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Make us a case. Every time you talk about ego, often it is done in negative terms and in a moment, it is associated with deprecating behaviors, such as egocentrism and selfish selfishness. Yet demonizing it tout court is wrong, because as light and shadow, even the ego has two faces.

There is, in fact, the healthy and the “monstrous” one that regulates our lives more than we imagine. The first encourages us to the growth and development of our true being, is what drives us to do something for ourselves but the others, either directly or indirectly, will sooner or later benefit. An example? Practicing physical activity not only improves the relationship we have with our body, but makes us a happier and healthier person who does not care about the healthcare system, thus lowering the cost of public spending. An advantage for everyone, then.

The ego monster, aims only and exclusively to obtain privileges for itself without considering any harm at the expense of the neighbor and often, paradoxically, of one’s own person. It is that inner voice whispering in the head more or less horrible, generally derived from the comparisons with the others. For ego monster, there are no ways in the middle: people are better or worse than us. If he tells us that others are better, more beautiful and better, he immediately starts a mental mechanism that causes us to believe that he is not up to the point of not being enough to be wrong. And in a moment we become unhappy. So to feel better, to free ourselves from that sense of inferiority, here we take it with others, we reduce them, we credit them and ridicule them with comments,

We must therefore work out to clean it out of all sorts of negativity, remove everything that pollutant and toxic can somehow damage the atmosphere, as if it were the dust that nests in our homes daily.

Here are 7 moves to wipe away harmful behaviors for our happiness, removing the ego monster command and letting us lead by the healthy ego …

1) Let’s focus on the “here and now”

True happiness is to live fully every moment, focusing on the present. And this is the healthy ego that knows it very well, so it does not look back, obsessively, and anticipate the future in a sociable and presumptuous way. Accept what it is, welcome it, and if it is in its capabilities and capabilities, it transforms what it can and wants to change. Otherwise, you stop from interfering with the natural flow of life and learns, learns, grows. He is perfectly aware that past and future exist only in thoughts – mostly useless and repetitive – to which the ego monster gives voice and importance.

2) We listen to others to understand, not to replicate

In work as in private life, if we have differences of opinion, it is not the end of the world. The important thing is that the comparison is healthy and enriching. That is why it is crucial to listen, to dialogue to understand the point of view of the other, not to reinforce our opinion and want the reason at all costs. Although our ego monster pretends that the other is, say, and do all that is more comfortable for us, let’s demonstrate it does not work that way. We use the healthy ego to use the empathy that distinguishes him: let us put ourselves in the shoes of the other and let the other put ourselves in ours. We follow what the heart suggests, not the mind.

3) We are all perfectly imperfect

Let us be less demanding and more flexible towards us and toward others. Each of us has its own limits and qualities. Sometimes we do things worthy of praise, sometimes we make mistakes. It’s called life. And it’s perfectly imperfect. Yet our ego monster only sees defects. Whether they belong to us or to others, it does not matter. He is a stern judge, who only tends to undermine and devalue passive and impermanent characteristics, ignoring that each of us is a perfect universe thanks and despite their imperfections. Whether there are objective behavior to condemn is beyond doubt, but it would be arrogant and presumptuous – as the ego monster – to feel themselves or others immune from defects.

4) We are not always right: Make a reason

If what comes to mind is not shared, perhaps our idea is not as good as we believe. Or we are exposing it to the wrong people. If we firmly believe in what we think and do, we keep on our way and, if it’s a good idea, we will find that life will find us all the green traffic lights. We have room for the healthy ego and give him the chance to get out of creativity, which can turn every obstacle into opportunities. Anyway, let’s remember to conclude every thought we are strongly convinced of “or maybe not.” Life is uncertain, let’s never forget it.

5) We turn our guilt into responsibility

The toughest judge against ourselves is the ego monster. But be careful: we and we alone are the ones who give us the power to condemn, criticize and judge our being and act. “Blame” in nature does not exist. It is an invention that derives from the transgression of moral and religious rules (then become legal) that society has chosen to maintain some order and balance. Except for everything that is objectively undoubtedly to blame and punish (violence, discrimination, injustice …), we note that it is only our decision if we deprive those mental and behavioral attitudes that can make us happy; they cause damage or loss to their neighbor. Taking full responsibility for what we are and what we want is the only way to live actively, free and happy.

6) Better collaborate than compete

Monsieur Monster likes to emerge, compete, compete and is willing to win everything. Being and feeling acknowledged and appreciated for the work we do is typical of every human being. The healthy ego encourages us to do the best so that everyone is satisfied with our work, first of all. This constructive desire to grow and improve itself is seldom completely disrupted by the ego monster, which transforms it into a thirst for success, aggression, arrogance and presumption. That is why the collaborative spirit of team that created a sense of union, that union that makes the force vanish.

7) Compare yes, but only with ourselves

The ego monster loves the comparisons. Since we open our eyes in the morning until we close them in the evening, the comparison with others is continuous, constant, unstoppable. In fact, we are all on a scale: if we look up, we will find who has more than us, who is better than us, who is younger, richer, attractive, and sympathetic to us, who has better abilities, qualities and skills. If we look down, we will find the exact opposite. Where do we want to look? Straight into the mirror, but without judging, it would be better. Let’s face it, we accept and welcome who we are. If we just like to match somebody, we compare who we are today to who we were yesterday. We choose who to be tomorrow and we work to become one.

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